I experienced something a little over a year ago that I never thought that I would. Well I knew that I would but I just didn't know when. I got married to the man of dreams. I didn't think that getting married would change anything about me or my life but it did. I had a new feeling inside of my heart and my soul. Vows aren't just words but they mean something. I was lucky enough to have a pastor that omitted the "obey" part because we all know how hard it is to obey.
I can honestly say that my marriage is going well. Not perfect but awesome enough. But how many people can HONESTLY say that? I see the FB posts about how people are booed up one minute and beefing the next. Social media has really taken a toll on the sanctity of relationships, married and unmarried. Part of the problem is our urge to tell the world when things are going wrong and when things are going right. What goes on in your life should stay that way...in your life! Isn't a little embarrassing to go off on your significant other on social media and then you're back together the next day? Its one thing to tell a trustworthy friend but to tell 1000 people that you barely know is just dumb. I think we're all guilty of it, some more than others. I have learned from my pre-Facebook days that telling the wrong people your business can definitely take a turn for the worst.
But is there a right or wrong way to do things in a marriage or any relationship for that matter? And when I say "things" I mean do we really have positions to play? Yes and no. The man is supposed to be the leader, the saviour, the rock, the decision maker, the man of the house, the protector. He usually leads the way. Kind of makes me think of the Heather Headley song "He Is". The woman stands behind her man, sticks by his side, has his back, all that good stuff. That's the ideal man and wife. These days I have been seeing it the other way around. Some women like to be in control and thats not a bad thing. Some women have been put in situations that have forced them, in the past, to be in charge of their own situations; to be the "master of their domain". It becomes an instinct, no matter what you said in your vows. Some men prefer this or just dont mind it. I say whoever can control the situation (whatever that may be) the best, so be it. But at what point does that backfire? Will there be a point where the wife will become overwhelmed with responsibility and want the husband to step in? By that time it could be too late. He may be so used to not being the decision maker that it either becomes a task or can make things harder than they really are. My opinion is that teamwork makes the dream work. Yes someone has to take the first step but ultimately, the decision should be made and agreed upon.
Separation of duties can become a problem. I dont expect my husband to do everything but I expect certain things. I dont expect him to do the dishes but sometimes its nice. I dont expect him to do the laundry but if he does a load, GREAT. I cant get mad if I come home from work and dinner isn't cooked. Its one of those things that is one of my expected duties. I love when he cooks but I dont expect it. Lots of times we expect that if we had a long day at work that the man is going to take care of dinner or laundry. One thing that I have learned is not to expect but to ask if I need help. I know that my husband does not expect me to call the mechanic if the car breaks down but if I take the initiative, its appreciated. Should the duties stay separated? Im a little divided on that. I say if one can do, then both can, but dont EXPECT any surprises. If its not done, dont complain. We will anyway but we can our best not to.
And finances. Must be the biggest issue in any relationship. I admit I have serious issues with money. Paying bills has always been a problem for me. Saving money?? Ha! So bad at it. I hate any conversation about money. I have gotten a lot better. But who should be in control of the finances? One wants to save and the other wants to spend. One wants to take vacations the other wants to staycation. One would rather go to dinner, the other wants to eat bologna sandwiches. Compromise is the only way to fix that. I personally would love to go and spend all of my savings on some feet for my car, but I know we have a house to buy. Sure I want to buy my daughter those $100 KDs but she'll have to settle for these $60 Ones. We as a couple have to use our noodle and figure out whats important. Do we go to Oliver's for dinner or Olive Garden? I think that we all have our own personal rainy day savings and theres nothing wrong with that, especially if you want to buy those rims. Even if its just $5 a week. But the big financial decisions should be made together.
I believe that one of the main reasons that women dont want to get married is because they feel like they don't want to give up that independence. The thought of having to care for another person thats not yourself is just... yuck. Same with men. The thought of being tied down is just...yuck. But marriage is what you make it. You're only miserable if you make yourself miserable. Marriage isn't slavery. Like I said "obey" doesnt mean say "yes massa". It basically means respect. Dont argue if its not called for. If your husband says no we cant, then say ok and leave it be. I mean, that doesn't mean that you cant at least try to put up a decent argument. More than likely, husband knows best. You're not giving up your life. At times we women need that control. I know that my mouth can be a little out of control but I have toned down A LOT! Think before you speak. "Do I really need to insult him right now". Same with men. Yes we can be bitches at time but call me a bitch in your head. Respect for each other will work wonders for your relationship. Whether its verbally or just respecting each others space.
And what about you men?! Why do you feel the need to have two or three women? A wife, a baby mama and a side piece? And why is the side piece always some young thang. Asking for monogamy is like telling these multi woman men that your penis is going to be taken away. There's one thing to date and then its another thing to just be straight trifling. Why make all these women believe that they're the only one? And if you like the main girl so much, why not be up front? I'm not a man and I dont understand but to me it sounds like a load of crap and unfaithful men are suckas. The beauty of monogamy is the need to NOT have to lie and sneak around. If you have three women and they all have something you want, why not drop them all until you find what you want? Or just DATE and not be trifling? The same goes for women. I wont even go there. So much to say on that subject that i'll just leave it alone.
Relationships and marriages are partnerships.The latter being a lifelong partnership. I will admit that I was afraid. I thought that my husband would change and turn into the Incredible Hulk. Just turn into this crazy control freak. In fact he turned into a more understanding person. We have discussions, we talk things out. I talk, he listens (at least I think he does). He encourages me, he makes me want to do better. Who doesn't want that? Who wants the hassle of juggling 3 or 4 men or women? We all want it to be until death but sometimes it doesn't work out that way, almost like a failing business. When you see that business starting to fail, get the books out and step back. Take a look at your practices and see what it is that you were doing wrong and try doing something different. Nobody likes change but it could be for the better. Revive that business and when you see the changes, follow through. The business will grow and bloom better than ever. Apply that to your relationship and watch what happens.
