Revise and Reinvent

I was just sitting here laughing to myself because my husband will joke around and say "sounds like something an angry black girl would say" after I comment on something that we were talking about.

But that actually got my wheels turning. Why is it that black women are classified as angry, mad, spiteful, shallow, hateful, BITCHY, hypocrite, hoes. I can go on and on with adjectives.  I've been called a lot of things but rarely any of these.

I was watching Scandal last night and another thought came to my mind. I remember reading a post on Facebook that said that if the races were reversed on the show that black women would be so mad about that that we wouldnt even watch the show. How is this a fair statement?
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What you see above is the blog that I originally started writing last Thursday. I changed my mind about what I wanted to write after I saw this video on Facebook of a young girl named Sharkiesha that sneak attacked another girl over none other than a dude. The reason for the slap isn't even the issue. This whole situation contradicts my original thought that people make these wrong assumptions that black women are angry.

For those who have not seen this disgusting video: Two teenage girls appeared to be having a discussion while someone was shooting a cell phone video of them. The one girl looks to have turned away from the other girl (Sharkiesha being the other girl) just kind of looking in the other direction.  She gets slapped (and I mean SLAPPED) by the Sharkiesha. She continues to beat the unsuspecting girl as if she killed her mother. Then out of nowhere she kicks her and I mean KICK. The instigators finally pull Sharkiesha off of her.

Once the beating is over, the reason for the fight (or whatever that was) is revealed. What was Sharkiesha so mad about?? What else,  a boy. Yes she beat this other girl down because of a dude. The victim put a statement out on FB saying that the reason that she was unable to fight back was because sharkiesha's entire family was standing there and she knew that she would have just been jumped.

This video is just one example of why black women are considered to be angry. How can I possibly defend us when videos like these are circulating all around the internet? They disprove my point that the angry black woman syndrome is a myth, an assumption.

I just find it fascinating that we are still fighting.  Its not like we're fighting injustice or women's rights.  We're fighting each other almost to the death it seems. Blame it on being drunk or going through some personal issues but there is no excuse. Do we really just have too much pride to walk away? Maybe some of us can but some of us feel as though we have something to prove.  We need to prove that we can defend our men. That would be an insecurity. We need to prove to these other chicks that we ain't scared to take an ass whoopin because we got looked at you the wrong way knowing you can't fight. That's another pride issue.

People are going on to Worldstar and You Tube to watch us make fools out of ourselves.  People are going out of their way to see ANGRY BITTER INSECURE black women fight. Instead of calling the police or breaking up the fight, people are pulling out their phones to shoot video! I just wonder what these videographers would think if someone went out of their way to video their mom or sister taking a beating or giving the beating. Would it still be funny?

The fact of the matter is that we have set ourselves back so far. And its not just this classless fighting.  I hear so many young black girls talking, everyday plain old conversation,  and their mouths are just filthy. This new generation of young women is being raised to talk this way. How do I know?  I hear it from the mothers. I was in Family Dollar one day and I heard a young lady say to a child (couldn't have been any more than 3 years old) "shut the fuck up before I punch you in your chest. You ain't gettin shit". I was in Family Dollar on Tuesday and I saw a little boy standing in the aisle screaming. The mom is just shopping.  Not even paying him any mind. She goes to cash out and tells him that he better come on or she's leaving and proceeds to curse him out. I heard a little girl call her mom "girl" in conversation like that was her homie. These are the pictures of black  mothers today and what their kids will be in the future!

If I go into what I see on IG and Facebook I'll be writing forever. I've already written in a previous blog about how our beauty has been targeted to one section of our bodies and that our asses seem to be the only thing that men seem to care about these days. Women 25 and under take pictures from the back and not the front and can't figure out why they can't get a respectful decent man but a bum.

TV plays a big part in the assumptions that are made about black women. All of these Love and Hip Hop shows make us look like complete clowns. I respect Peter Gunz for coming out and saying that he did it for the money but he is also a clown. I don't watch the show but I listened to an interview that he did. Yes these shows make men look bad too but their behavior is expected because of stereotype that has been placed on them for years. But when women start running around acting like they really are K.Michelle and thinking that her behavior is cute that's a problem.

The point is that black men or men in general have earned the right to dog us. Its not right but its the truth. Social Media and just any type of media is proving them right. It's being glamorized. Its a circus and its disgusting.

How can we revise and reinvent?  How can we turn our negative assumptions into positive truths? Where do we start? Well first it starts with positive reinforcement at home. Do we as mothers need to be mean to show that we control our children?  Do we need to scare them into respecting us? No. I do not have to scare my children in order for them to be quiet. I don't curse at my child. Its not necessary. Don't tell your kids that they're bad even when they really are. Stop bringing your domestic disputes home. Children are impressionable.  Your behavior will reflect in their behavior. Talking bad about black men and how "they ain't shit" will cause a black man to disrespect you and call you angry. If you don't want to deal with them, fine but to make a generalization like that gets you nothing. And stop making yourself look like a walking circus act.

There's so many things that are being done ass backwards that I can't list them all. I don't have the solutions, just suggestions.  There's so many influences out there that should be used as reference points like Michelle Obama and even older influences like Angela Davis, Maya Angelou, Claire Huxtable (yeah I said Claire Huxtable). Everybody watched Black Girls Rock but you would never think that we do with all of these negative images of us out there. We gotta change it somehow.

Reinvention and revision ....it sounds good but will it happen????

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These are my views and opinions ONLY and do not reflect the views and opinions of my employer or any other professional affiliations.

Need vs. Greed

Over the weekend there was all this hoopla on social media about welfare recipients receiving hundreds of dollars in extra SNAP benefits aka food stamps. I posed the question on Facebook to see if I could get an answer in regards to how this happened but apparently I only know one person (who happens to be my elderly mother in law) that receives these benefits but she did not receive any extra. She is also very internet savy and just Googled it. 

Apparently there was more than one situation going with these stamps. The first that I heard was that there was some kind of a glitch and people were eventually have to pay back those extra stamps. The second that I read was that there was an $80M settlement that was reached in a class action lawsuit against NYS back in July of this year in regards to illegal termination of benefits. (follow the link at the end of this blog for the story). I've also heard some conspiracy theories but I hate getting into those so I wont even mention them.



Now I don't care at all about how they got the stamps because it does not apply to me. Here's my issue. There are tons of idiots on Facebook, Twitter or whatever other way that you broadcast your business, BRAGGING about their food stamps. First of all, if any of them had any sense you should know that you should never share with the world you status or your income. Second of all why is being on welfare something to BRAG about?? You're BRAGGING about the fact that you don't work, that you're going to buy food to sit your lazy behind on the couch all day, that you have tons of kids so that you can keep feeding your kids, that you are going to sell you stamps to buy a new PS4. 

Is being on welfare the new rich? It's a combination of laziness and greed. I thought food stamps were a temporary helping hand, not a permanent way of life. I remember growing up I used to HATE being sent to the store with that multi-colored money. I aint want NOBODY to know that we had food stamps. You were a joke if anybody saw you with that paper money. Now EBT cards are the new American Express. I see people with their carts in the store full of all the stuff i wouldn't dare buy because it might take me over my budget. Shrimp, thick cut T bone steaks, cases and cases of Pepsi. Why is this the new thing?

I saw a few comments from people saying that people do work and get food stamps. One specific comment jumped out at me that said "Damn my girl works 2 jobs and she still gets stamps. Food is expensive." Yeah I know food is expensive dummy, I PAY FOR MINE AND YOURS! I know about Welfare to Work programs. But if you have 2 jobs, lets say that they're both minimum wage, so that would be $14.50 per hour assuming that both jobs are part time totaling 8 hours a days/40 hours a week. A person can survive off of that without food stamps. Add a couple of kids in the mix and maybe not even report that other income to your case worker you could probably qualify for benefits. On top of that, you'd probably get HEAP benefits which I haven't been able to get in YEARS. AND Im sure someone has a nice iPhone on top of that.

But why is it ok for me and my husband  to bust our asses working 40+ hours a week, still have to pay gas, lights, internet, insurance, 2 car notes, two kids and we aint' even bought groceries yet. But the next man is coming into the store with his shiny new sneakers paying for his turkey sub with an EBT card?? Granted, I don't know his situation but really??!!


I heard a little girl say that when she grew up that she wanted to sit at home and get tattoos and food stamps like her mama. Is that what we are teaching the kids now? You don't have to pay for anything, just sit back and let the state do it. Let the working people pay for it. The disabled, the elderly and people needing the assistance TEMPORARILY are the people that deserve it. Able bodied men and women getting TEMPORARY assistance is an embarrassment to this country. Buffalo has one of the lowest poverty rates in the country. Not because that's the way it is. It's because people are lazy and know how to milk the system and the system falls for the okie doke every time. Sure you lose your job and may have some trouble finding job. Not everyone has a savings account or family to fall back on. We've all fallen on hard times at some point in our lives. But its always temporary. Pick yourself up and make something happen for yourself. But that would be too easy. 

1/6 of the country is on welfare*. 1/6??? $131.9 billion is spent on welfare benefits, and that is NOT including food stamps or unemployment.** Cutting welfare doesn't sound so bad after reading that statistic but cutting it only concerns me if it involves old people, disabled people and families that are actually struggling.

Bragging about needing assistance is not cool. Bragging about getting off of assistance and getting a job to support yourself should sound like something that you should be more proud of. Buying your children gifts with money you've earned is rewarding. Buying a car with your own money is rewarding. How is getting government assistance rewarding? A question that will hang in purgatory forever.

What I used to hate going to the store with

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Check out this link to the welfare class action suit:
http://www.legal-aid.org/en/mediaandpublicinformation/inthenews/classactionsettlementendsillegalfoodstampterminations.aspx

* http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/wonkblog/wp/2013/09/23/why-are-47-million-americans-on-food-stamps-its-the-recession-mostly/

** http://www.statisticbrain.com/welfare-statistics/