I'm Not Emotional...AM I?

In the tradition of "TBT" this is a old piece of mine from 2012

I'm Not Emotional...AM I?

I was inspired to write this. Its an extension of a piece that I read about Anger....

I had to come home early from work today because Jaz was sick and Mike had to work so he couldn't stay home today. As soon as the phone rang and I saw the 816 number, my mind started racing. I already knew that Jaz was sick before she went to school but for some reason I always get extremely emotional, almost ready to cry when I know something is wrong with my baby.

So that made me think on my way to the school about other things that I get overly emotional about. Ok so Im watching like Law and Order or something and I know that someone is going to die.  I get teary eyed like I know them personally. Almost like I had been in the "about to die situation" lol. I've never been about to die or raped or anything of that fashion but it always strikes me as OMG why is this happening to them.

Even at work...I was in a discussion with one of my co-workers about something to do with an assignment of mortgage. I understood what he was saying but I insisted that my theory was correct. I could actually feel myself shaking inside and almost mad because someone had an opinion that wasn't the same as mine. Yes it is ok to disagree with me but I need you to agree with me also, and that wasn't happening. I was so upset about it that I refused to talk to my co-worker for the rest of the day. WHY?? 

I don't feel as though I am an emotional person but I feel like I get a little more emotional than others would. I dont think its a bad thing but sometimes I feel as though I am a little weaker than others. Sometimes I do wish that I could have a thicker skin. I can take the punches but the backlash is a killer. I go in a little harder with my emotions and some people actually have hurt feelings when i get done but that is never my intention. Some may even call it overreaction or even anxiety, which in some ways I can agree with that. But I think it's more passion than anything.

Ok so let's break this down...

One of the definitions of emotion according to Webster's that I want to focus on is:

a conscious mental reaction (as anger or fear) subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body. That's me! I shake, I cry and I'm ready to fight.

Do I need counseling? Anger management maybe? But why hold it in? Is this normal? Do I need to show this kind of emotion when I don't agree with something or someone? Do I need to cry when I watch Law and Order or anything sad for that matter?

But I just cant imagine not being able to show emotion. If you're not an emotional person you wouldn't know what I mean. I know some emotionless people and it is just scary. I mean, to keep the same tone and a straight face when the other person is losing it is just out of the ordinary, weird, unhealthy even. I have been in aruguments with people and they just keep the same tone and express no real EMOTION which does nothing but proke that intense angry feeling from me. And then they say "why are you getting all serious and loud". Why do you think?? Because you dont show that you care as much as I do. I have even seen people in relationships where one person is very loving and the other just shows no feeling towards. I cant read their minds but body language says it all. No smile, not a hint of emotion! I mean when my dude gets two inches away from me and I know he's about to touch me I get all squishy and you can see it!

Without emotion, how can you express love? How can you have sex without emotion? How can you hug someone with no emotion? How can you express gratitude? Show sympathy? My dad is not very emotional.  He gave me a hug one day and I didn't know how to react to that LOL. I'm not mad that my dad isnt emotional but I tell you what...when he is arguing with his brothers he shows A LOT of passion. Especially when he starts talking about when he played with the Ohio Players (its not true). Or when he won the NYS Scrabble Championship (Whats that??). Without emotion, how can you truly express how you feel about something? Its almost like exercising and not breaking a sweat. Whats the point of doing it and I dont feel like I'm doing anything? Sex is the same way. Yeah we've all faked it a few times just to get it over with but there are people that do it ALL THE TIME. How is this possible???? Even when you don't feel like it you know it feels good so why fake like you don't want it?

Now I also looked up the definition of passionate and there were three parts: 

• easily aroused to anger
• capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling.
• swayed by or affected with sexual desire

I need to break this down. I don't agree with the first definition because you can easily be aroused to tears and tears dont always mean anger. I am often aroused to tears.

The third one is self explanatory but is also connected to emotion. You cannot have passion without emotion, bottom line. I know women that have said "girl I only have sex with him to shut him up" or "girl I needed my rent paid". But as a woman  to say that you had no emotional connection to this man and that you only had sex to make him shut up or get some quick money, is so untruthful. You started having sex with him before so there was at some point an emotional connection and there was some passion at one point. And not to get raunchy, but he got in in there somehow so you were aroused enough for him to make "the motion in the ocean". Women are more EMOTIONALLY attached when it comes to sex and feel more PASSIONATE about the relationship. I have never believed a woman that says that. If you're only doing it for rent or just because then YOUS A HOE (Ludacris voice) or you are a prostitute . I don't believe it because if he were to leave and say "look I cant do this anymore", you as an EMOTIONAL woman is going to be offended and bust the windows on his car. I've seen it happen plenty of times. So don't say that you only needed your rent paid or for him to shut up because that emotion and passion are all going to come out eventually, especially when he says that its not right.

The second definition is most important because it is directly connected to emotion. Intense feelings...strong feelings. When you are passionate about something you express you passion by showing different types of emotions. I love to teach when I am at work. I get a feeling inside of me that is unexplainable. To be able to teach someone something that they didnt know the day before and knowing that I taught them this new knowledge makes me emotional. I am passionate about helping someone understand things. Without emotion, there is no passion. 

To me emotion is an important part of life. Its an important part of mental health and stability. I know people go through things in life that have enabled them to turn the emotion off and on, but its not cool. You need to be able to express that emotion to relieve the stress. 15-30% of heart attacks are stress related. Why risk death when you can let that emotion free? Whether its crying or just screaming out loud, letting out your pure emotion will help you in love and life.